Stoicism at Carter Estate: Finding Calm Amidst Imperfection

This past weekend, my wife and I celebrated eleven incredible years of marriage with a stay at Carter Estate Winery. It was meant to be a special getaway—a time to step away from our usual routine, enjoy some beautiful wine country, and celebrate the journey we’ve had together. But, as life often does, it reminded me that expectations don’t always align with reality.

From missing TV remotes to lukewarm breakfasts and inconsistent service, the experience wasn’t exactly the “luxury retreat” we had imagined. The hotel itself had its quirks—outdated features, a noisy AC, and less-than-ideal amenities. At one point, frustration could have easily taken over, but instead, I chose to lean on Stoicism—not as an abstract philosophy, but as a real-world tool to stay calm, stay present, and find peace despite the imperfections.

Perspective: Seeing Beyond Myself

It would’ve been easy to focus solely on the service shortcomings or what wasn’t working, but I chose to think about the staff. Perhaps they were dealing with being understaffed, underpaid, or simply overwhelmed by the demands of the job. Maybe they were doing the best they could, but without the incentive or resources to do more. This shift in perspective helped me reduce my frustration and realize that their challenges were not mine to fix, but my reaction was. I control that.

Resilience: Controlling My Mind, Not the Situation

As a Stoic, I know that external events don’t control my happiness—my mind does. The hotel’s imperfections didn’t need to spoil our experience. It was still our anniversary, still a beautiful weekend, and still a chance to connect with my wife. I could either focus on the things going wrong, or I could make the conscious choice to enjoy the things going right. I chose the latter.

Order: Life Doesn’t Always Go As Planned—But Gems Are Still There

The experience wasn’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean it was a waste. In fact, it was a reminder that life isn’t always going to go as you expect—and that’s okay. Despite the frustrations with the hotel, we still had a wonderful dinner at Gambling Cowboy, enjoyed strolling through Old Town Temecula, and made memories that far outweighed any setbacks. The hotel was just one part of the weekend, but the true value of the trip was found in the moments shared, not the location.

Virtue: Speaking My Mind with Wisdom and Courage

Stoicism isn’t about remaining passive—it’s about intentional action. I felt the need to share my feedback with the hotel calmly and constructively. I have the wisdom to express my thoughts clearly, the courage to voice concerns when needed, and the sense of justice to expect a fair resolution (even if none comes). The important thing? Knowing that speaking up with respect is a way to improve the experience for everyone—whether the outcome is favorable or not.

Intentionality: Choosing My Response, Not Letting It Choose Me

I am intentional with my reactions. Principles matter, but not at the expense of my peace. Yes, I value excellence, but I refuse to sacrifice my happiness just because things don’t unfold perfectly. Being happy despite external challenges is a choice, and it’s one I’m committed to making.

Duty: Excellence Includes Patience

I strive for excellence in all aspects of my life, and that includes patience in the face of setbacks. Patience is a form of excellence, and in this case, it was about mastering my inner response when the hotel experience fell short of expectations. The truth is, patience is the test of real character, and this weekend was another opportunity to practice it.

Equanimity: Staying Balanced Amidst the Highs and Lows

I didn’t leave feeling overly angry or overly positive—I left with clarity and balance. I had a clear sense that, while things didn’t go as planned, the experience was neither a total loss nor a perfect success. Equanimity—staying calm and balanced, without letting circumstances tilt me too far one way or the other—is always the most powerful choice.

Non-Attachment: Letting Go of What Doesn’t Serve Me

The hotel experience was just one part of the weekend. It wasn’t perfect, but I don’t attach myself to things. In the grand scheme of life, a hotel is just a place, and this experience didn’t have to affect my mood or my mindset. I didn’t let this minor setback rob me of my joy.

Excellence: Still Celebrating 11 Years with the One I Love

At the end of the day, I’m still the same person, still celebrating 11 years of marriage with my incredible wife. I still have the beautiful drive home ahead of me, where I can reflect on the weekend, look forward to being with my kids, and appreciate the life I’m building.

This is what really matters. Happy anniversary to us—and thank you, Stoicism, for reminding me that happiness is always a choice.